Then I saw Christina Perri had posted on Twitter about how good her newest album was. I've been in desperate need of some new music, so I thought I would give it a go. Since then, lets say I've been a little obsessive compulsive over it:) ok, no, that's an understatement. I haven't really wanted to listen to anything else. The ingeniousness of this album can't be uttered enough. Even just the concept, "It Doesn't Have to Make Sense" is beautiful. Michaelson shares so many heart-breaking, yet thought-provoking songs in this album, relating to the painful experience of losing her mother/going through a divorce.
She tells how shocking and hard it was to go through these things, and how she wondered why such things were happening to her. Finally she gradually begins to realize that life doesn't always have to make sense. All of us go through confusing and devastating times in our life, when we question providence and why these things take place. But I love how this album has opened by eyes to this profound and deep truth.
Many times in the past couple years, I've questioned how God could allow me to go through such a lonely, uncertain, heart-breaking time. I still have no idea what my future will hold and I can't pretend I have a lot of faith for good things to be coming. But in listening to the album, I am reminded I don't have to have everything figured out. I don't have to always be in control and trying to prevent more bad events from taking place. I just need to learn to have peace and let life happen, as it was meant to play out. I may not always understand, I may not always have hope that things will one day be better.
But there is a meaningful and wonderful reason for why my life is the way it is, and someday it will make sense. Until then, I'm going to try to make the best of things. I'm going to strive without ceasing to love people and not give up my dreams, which are more than worth fighting for. I know that every tear I cry and every day my heart is sad and lonely will make me stronger. I look up to so many beautiful, inspirational women who have been through horrible stuff I can't envision happening.
But, to see them now, it amazes me how sweet and compassionate and loving they still are. They have used these scars and turned them into beauty. They have encouraged and blessed people like me that everything will be okay in the end. And if everything isn't ok, than it's not the end yet:)
If you haven't already, go buy Ingrid's new album. It is the real deal! "Be Ok" is also another favorite of mine. I love how sweet and fun the song is, but how it showcases my current reflections so perfect. Ingrid is such a smart and talented songwriter and woman. She inspires me, because she is so unapologetic about simply being herself. She loves who she is and isn't trying to fit a mold or expected definition of what is cool and beautiful. In "Miss America" she spins a delightful thread of lyrics, about how her mother instilled self-confidence in her from a young age. The chorus runs, "I'll never be Miss America. It's not the way I was born to be. it's like my mama she told me girl, there's so many ways to be beautiful".
I identify with this much, as I've also never been one to be conventional and never fit in very much at all. But I've learned to be happy and content with how I was made and be proud that I am not like all the other girls. It's so incredibly refreshing to see girls like Michaelson who aren't afraid of being different and celebrate their uniqueness.
